Jupiter enters Pisces, December 2021: A Benevolent New Years Prayer

Let the night sing its song

Just as loudly as the sun

Last year we disrobed and laid bare-breasted

While hungry lashes washed over and over

This year I wrap myself clean and warm

I am worthy of worldly (and divine) comforts

I cast prayers with ease

And let their songs echo back 

My bounty flows.

On December 28, 2021 at 8:10pm Pacific time, expansive, buoyant Jupiter enters malleable, ethereal Pisces. During this transit, new discoveries abound - in the sinews of your emotional connections, especially. 

When Jupiter, our solar system’s party paramour and bestower of grandiose gifts, meets mutable, watery Pisces, expect a reinvigoration of how you relate to your inner emotional world (and, as a result, how these energies reflect back onto you in return). Jupiter’s energy expands all that falls within its reach; as this power planet finds itself in Pisces, you can expect to feel less resistance in matters of the heart and spirit. This is a time to bravely dip your toes into the emotional sensibilities of yourself and those around you - in other words, lean into your interactions - both with self and with others - with a heart-foward stance. 

This can look like: 

• Practicing radical emotional honesty

  Can you identify and walk in alignment with your feelings, even those that you perceive as negative or unwanted? 

• Encouraging and celebrating emotional transparency in your relationships

  Can you practice openness and vulnerability with those around you, especially your loved ones?

• Reconnecting sincerely with your cherished creative outlets

  Can you approach your art as an expression of joy, instead of as a chore?

• Carving space in your day-to-day to simply exist

  Can you be, without the need to achieve, conquer, finish, or address anything?

• Giving yourself permission to dream (and plot on) your most grandiose, sky-high dreams, without judgment or self-criticism

This transit supports the ability to plunge into your most cherished wishes. Admitting your wants and needs isn’t trite or selfish - it’s necessary in the quest toward ascension. 

In Astrology, we think of Uranus as the unexpected player - the rule-breaker, the creative mischief-maker responsible for throwing us curveballs. But Neptune, and by extension the sign of Pisces, also harnesses that creative trickster energy in a way that can benefit us during this transit. Neptune grants us the vision to dive into the beyond, without restriction - Neptune reminds us that the only way to see a future we can believe in is to give ourselves permission to make-believe it first.

Use this period of Jupiterian expansion, which lasts until May 10, 2022, to allow yourself the freedom to envision what can be. Then, get out of the way and watch it grow.

Where were you when...

I think a lot about how things have changed, where things are going, and the gaps between those two spaces. I think about things feeling more simple, wondering if that’s just my imagination playing tricks on me - wondering how to be a better woman without always knowing what is better or what is worse. In these moments I fold into myself - sometimes I’m able to smooth the creases out, other times they leave indents . I’m always eager to iron them out, especially those that like to linger. 

I was a young woman so obsessed with the thought of being chosen - by lovers, by friends, by those in charge and those with the illusion of being in charge - someone so desperate to be chosen that she’d do anything. A sensibility toward rules and regulations need not apply here.

Let me be clear - there is both grief and joy in these memories. Sometimes doing what is wrong for you feels good, in a sordid sort of way. That’s how doing the best thing can end up feeling empty - chaos as a constant does that to you. 

So I wrap the moments of disquiet in with pleasure and joy. Those moments of pure desperation burning a hole in my heart, with nothing to staunch the bleeding or the burning, just dry air stinging its edges, juxtaposed with that quietly sweet feeling of triumph - I did it, I made it, I’m here. Deep breaths of praise flare from lips and nostrils, caress cheeks, move mountains. 

In this present moment, I look for grace for my past selves. Can I bring the grace I show to myself now back to those darkened corners of yesterday? Can I be honest with myself when I’m not showing as much grace as I tell myself I am? I deserve the most buoyant support, the utmost in care, kid gloves and pillowtops and all that. I deserve to let the magic of my prayers lift me up until I kiss the sky. 

Where were you when you first realized you deserved to love yourself the same way you love others? Where were you when you realized this was your only key to salvation? 

Saturn-Uranus Square of June 2021: Assessing (and Burning) Bridges to Build Fertile Foundations

On June 14 at 3pm Pacific Time, Saturn in Aquarius squares Uranus in Taurus. This square refers to Saturn and Uranus’ physical placement at a 90-degree angle in the sky. 

Astrologically, the square is understood as a tension-generating aspect. Squares touch on themes of frustration and pressure, both personally and in the collective, in order to generate fresh, forward movement. During its activation, square energy can feel to us like bare hands tightly gripping the slippery sides of a giant balloon. The square encourages discomfort as a vehicle for expansion. 

via GIPHY

(Note: All of the challenging major aspects - the square, the opposition, or the conjunction - can create these feelings of discomfort. Here, we focus specifically on the square.)

This particular Saturn-Uranus meeting is a follow-up from recent interactions between the two generational planets; we witnessed Saturn and Uranus square initially on February 17 of this year, and will see them square again later on in December. 

What’s up with Saturn and Uranus?

Fundamentally, Saturn and Uranus serve different cosmic purposes. 

Saturn represents the collective and personal structural forms in our lives, and relentlessly asks us (or forces, depending on how receptive we are to change) to examine how these structures hinder or support our truest, most authentic forms of growth. Saturn challenges us to ask the difficult questions of ourselves and the systems we live in. This includes questions like: do the structures in our lives - our professional communities, our social groups, our workplaces, our places and methods of worship - support our real visions for the future? Are we really living up to who and what we say we are, and how are we going about it? 

Saturn is unafraid, unashamed and decidedly devoted to bringing us face-to-face with the truest version of ourselves, even if that means pulling a few proverbial weeds along the way to get to the harvest. 

Uranus, on the other hand, serves as the rebellious mastermind of the Zodiac, wholly unconcerned with how “things have always been done”. On the contrary, Uranus seeks to create change, rapidly and unpredictably at that. Uranus understands that there’s no one right way to do something, centering ingenuity and creativity in everything it touches. Whenever Uranus is involved, expect the unexpected. For the thrill-seekers and consummate tastemakers among us, this energy can come as a welcome relief.

Both Saturn and Uranus are considered generational planets thanks to their long orbital periods - Saturn has a roughly 29-year orbit, while Uranus has an 84-year orbit. When these two titans form a connection, pay attention: major changes are in store.

A (brief) look in the rear-view

We can look at previous historical events which aligned with Saturn and Uranus’ connection as evidence of the planets’ impact on our social structures and expectations. This connection can heavily emphasize who gets to be in power and who doesn’t, and the backlash that erupts when said power struggle is realized. Events like the US Capitol insurrection in January 2021 spurred by Mars, the electric & defiant energy of the George Floyd rallies throughout summer 2020, and the 2008 Bush-Obama election (during which Saturn and Uranus were in opposition) are examples of this energy. 

In our current astrological climate, the square between Saturn in Aquarius and Uranus in Taurus shows us how the primary systems and structures in our lives (Saturn) are evolving (Aquarius) and being tested and transformed (Uranus) against traditional methodologies (Taurus), in order to bring us to spaces of authentic alignment and self-awareness.  

Practical Magic: How this relates to you irl

In a collective sense, this can look like: 

• Public displays of speaking truth to power

  • Political rallies, widespread support for community-run organizations, calling out big business on social media 

• Financial institutions radically changing the way they do business

  • The explosive rise of Cryptocurrency

  • The growing ubiquitousness of new FinTech tools to help us manage our money more efficiently without the involvement of traditional capitalist denizens

• How we use technology

  • Apps like TikTok where creators thrive via information sharing, even when that information is not necessarily reputable or supported by traditional “experts” or sources of expertise

• Corporate representations of socio-political expansion

  • Public celebration of LGBTQ+ communities to generate profits and appear “woke” or “socially savvy”

  • Public celebration of racially and politically-marginalized groups to generate profits and appear “woke” or “socially savvy” 

In a personal sense, this can look like: 

• Erecting and maintaining very specific boundaries in our personal lives after having those boundaries abused and violated over and over 

• Releasing fear surrounding what we feel we are allowed to ask for and have

• Feeling a sense of loneliness or longing for what we used to have, even if it didn’t really serve to make us feel good in the first place

• Creating space for new and exciting experiences in our communal lives (our workplaces, our friend groups, our spiritual groups, etc.)

• Feeling excited about new energy but not really knowing the best way to move forward in that newness 

A quick review of Aquarius & Taurus energy, respectively

Let’s briefly revisit how the signs of Aquarius and Taurus function in these signs, respectively, as a means to further understand how significantly the Saturn-Uranus square energy can show up in our lives. 

Aquarius is an unconventional placement for regimented, didactic Saturn. When Saturn transits into Aquarius, there is a push toward reinvention and a rethinking of what we know to be true. Fixed Air sign Aquarius wants us to think outside of the box and examine ways to create harmony by detaching from familiar patterns that no longer serve us. Creativity and experimentation is Aquarius’ lifeblood.   

Taurus, on the other hand, seeks comfort in all forms - physical, emotional, financial, spiritual.  Fixed Earth sign Taurus is steadfast, consistent, and primed for excellence and high-performance. This is impressive, to be sure, but can sometimes lead to feelings of stagnancy if things don’t go the way they’re “supposed to”.

So, when Taurus and Aquarius link up, it can create a push-pull between what we have and what we want to hold on to (Taurus) versus what we envision to make our world a more just and equitable place (Aquarius). 

In Summary

This Saturn-Uranus square is an incredible opportunity to reassess the structures that uphold our daily lives. It’s a challenging but beautiful time to ask ourselves the hard questions: what direction is my life moving into, and do I like the route it’s taking? If yes, how can I continue to move confidently in that direction? If not, how can I reroute my course in a way that better serves my aspirations? 

Bravely posing these questions and honestly listening for the answer can bring us the insights we so deeply yearn for during this time. 

gratitude exists on the other side of envy

There are shiny nuggets of truth within you that draw you into cycles of envy toward others. What you find appealing and inspiring about others is rooted in the same magic that exists inside of you. In reality, there is little separation between the divine truth of you, and the divine truth of them. So why is it, then, that harboring feelings of envy towards someone else feels like a strict admonishment of yourself? And what’s the point of even engaging thoughts and feelings of envy toward another person when we know, deep down, we are capable beings deserving of the love and admiration we so readily offer to others? 

To be clear, envy focuses on a set of emotions that differ from jealousy. Envy invokes feelings of perceived worthlessness because of someone else’s status, achievements, looks, or other characteristic. Envy is more of a person-to-person emotional experience: for example, feeling envious of a sibling because they get more social attention than you, or towards a colleague because of a professional accolade they received. 

Jealousy, on the other hand, typically involves a third person, e.g., feeling jealous of someone else’s perceived interest in your partner or spouse, even if your spouse hasn’t done anything to elicit the third person’s attention.

Frankly, I think of jealousy and envy as two different-but-very-similar heads of the same monster. Neither feel good, but both are here to teach us the same thing: how to express more gratitude for who we are and where we are along our own very personal journeys. 

I am intimately familiar with envy, and I believe most of us are, too, if we are open to admitting it: Envy towards strangers on social media for their stunning beauty and witticisms; envy towards those who benefit from inherent privileges supported by the oppressive, capitalistic systems we live in; envy towards the people we love because they are amazing, and we want to be amazing too. In fact, there are talented, successful, beautiful, accomplished people in my life who I respect and cherish, that I’ve worked to build relationships with because I admire them and want to see them succeed. I’ve also felt envy towards them, believing that they fundamentally possessed something I didn’t and that’s why they achieved what I felt I couldn’t. 

Processing these feelings is challenging, to be sure. Acknowledging that they even exist is hard enough, but then having to move through them with grace can be even more gut-wrenching.

Which is why I’m sharing this mental shift with you today - this idea that envy can be replaced with gratitude for who we are and what we bring to the table, even when it feels like we don’t bring much of anything. Even while acknowledging and celebrating the success and achievements of someone else, and even when our own mind is telling us that we should just quit while we’re ahead. 

In the midst of envy, there is space for full self-acceptance. There is space to turn feelings of worthlessness into opportunities for self-connection. 

When I’m feeling the talons of envy catch hold of me, I like to try these thoughts on for size:

“I am where I’m supposed to be.”

“I am radiant, just as I am.”

“My gifts are magnificent.”

“My path is unique, even when I can see similarities in others’ paths.” 

“I know who I am.” 

These feel good to slip into. 

If loving acceptance seems too high of a mountain to climb from the depths of envious feelings, there is neutrality available to us as well. Thoughts like these may be helpful: 

“I am working with my own process, and that is ok.”

“I am trying my best.”

“I am learning more about myself.” 

Envy can feel like a heavy lump or a sourness in the body. But what can come of it is surprising - a lilting, light feeling of acceptance when we can take a moment to pause and appreciate ourselves for who we are, right now, in this moment, just as we are. 

Healing Crystals for Soothing Envious & Jealous Feelings

• Rose Quartz: This is the stone of unconditional love. Typically we associate rose quartz with cultivating love and romance in our interpersonal relationships, but this same energy is also available to us on a personal level. Rose quartz allows us to see what is beautiful about ourselves without feeling the need to compare. 

• Malachite: Malachite taps into our heart chakra (anahata) by protecting us against that which does not serve us energetically. It is a deeply protective stone which can be used to soothe our own feelings of inadequacy, or as a means of protection from lower external energies. 

• Green Calcite: Another powerful green stone, green calcite aligns with our heart chakra and removes lower energies that no longer serve us. This equals comfort in the form of reminding us of our how and why. 

• Tiger’s Eye: Tiger’s Eye connects us to our solar plexus (manipura), the chakra responsible for our self-expression, self-confidence, and ability to regulate our impulses. When faced with feelings of inadequacy that stem from fear or anxiety of the unknown, Tiger’s Eye can support us in releasing this anxiety and accepting what is present in our lives so that we may move forward with conviction. 

Sources: 

7 Chakras: Mystical Dimensions of the Body’s Seven Chakras

Everything You Need to Know About the Heart Chakra

ISSUE OF THE WEEK - CRYSTALS TO HELP EASE JEALOUSY.

Moon Square Mars: Feelings as Ammunition

With the Moon in hard aspect to Mars, finding healthy ways of expressing one’s emotional tapestry is critical. 

Moon square Mars can show someone very much in touch with their emotional sensitivities, but very much demanding that others be in touch with them as well. This can serve as a beautiful springboard to understanding oneself and others. On the other hand, this can cause interpersonal problems as well.

The Moon in the birth chart represents your emotional nature, as well as your natural emotional responses to external or internal stimuli - that is, how you process your feelings, how you think about your feelings, and how you share (or don’t share) those feelings with others. 

Mars, on the other hand, represents physical and energetic movement. Directed energy. Passion, Aggression. Mars wants to get things done, without understanding the feeling or sensitivity around the action in question. 

When the Moon squares Mars, one’s emotions can become misconstrued or misrepresented in a practical sense. Think emotional manipulation and outbursts stemming from hurt feelings, or a desire to remain overly passive in situations that require directness or more swift action. This placement is representative of behavior that can seem shocking, both to the person showing the behavior and those on the receiving end. 

Impulsivity and emotional turbulence are common with this placement. Emotions exist at the forefront of behaviors; it can be easy to overstep boundaries, act on impulse then regret what was said or done later, or move forward in a situation without fully understanding the emotional context involved. 

People with this placement may have had frustrating episodes during childhood where they felt that their needs were not being met. This could have been a physical need (Mars) or an emotional need (Moon); when the Moon harshly aspects Mars, typically this can indicate potential issues with lack of care, or perceived lack of care, from the mother (Moon).  

Depending on the planetary placements of Mars and the Moon, the square can also indicate intense difficulties with self-criticism. Again, a healthy outlet for this emotional tension is critical.

This placement can indicate someone very much in touch with their emotional presentation. Actors, musicians and entertainers can rely on the strength of this square to channel their emotionally impulsive energy into more constructive outlets. The body (Mars) is driven by emotional undercurrents (Moon), which can create beautiful expressions of feeling if used positively. This is the person who has learned how to cry on command, tell a gut-busting joke out of thin air just to break the ice, or play the most deliciously improvised riff on the guitar during a powerful solo performance. 

It’s important to understand the unconscious levels of emotional reactivity present with this placement. Understand that your impulses are there to guide you to more emotional clarity, without feeling the need to simply react to them. This is true even in moments of high emotional sensitivity. 

Themes to focus on

Emotional fearlessness, interpersonal connection, humor, sharing your authentic sensitivity

Areas for growth

Avoiding impulsivity, situational awareness, harsh self-criticism 

On Radical Collaboration in Astrology

Growing Up Astro-Minded 

I’m a firm believer in using astrology as a tool to deeply understand ourselves and the people in our lives. In fact, it’s the primary reason why I became fascinated with astrology in the first place; my first meaningful interaction with it came in the form of a Leonardo DiCaprio fan book I purchased from Borders with my allowance money (shoutout to you if you know of/remember what Borders is). The back of the book had a “fan section” where you could pencil in answers to questions like “What’s your favorite color?” and “If you were stranded on a desert island, what three items would you keep with you?” As my 10-year-old self meandered through this section, I found myself stuck at a particular question: “What’s your Zodiac sign?”

I had no idea. So, I did what any self-respecting 10-year-old with an early-stage dial-up internet connection would do: I tried AskJeeves (again, shoutout to you if you remember the original AskJeeves search bar). But I didn’t know that Zodiac signs referred to your birthday, so I didn’t really know what I was looking for and ended up more confused than when I’d started. So.. I did the next best thing any self-respecting 10-year-old with an early-stage dial-up internet connection would do: I asked my Mom.

In actuality, my Mom is the primary reason why I became interested in astrology. She has been interested in astrology, mysticism and spirituality for as long as I can remember, having earned a degree from Yale Divinity School back in the 1970s. As my hunger for knowledge grew, I came to understand that her time in school was reflective of a larger social and cultural phenomenon in Western society, providing a real boon for a budding public interest in astrology, spirituality, Tarot, and other witchery and esoteric subjects. 

At any rate, my Mom told me I was a Taurus, and that Taureans were known for being steadfast, stable, calm, and cautious. She didn’t go much further into detail at the time, but in that moment I knew there was something special about the way she talked about it, as if she were speaking a different language that almost immediately tugged at an intensely curious part of me inside. I needed to know more. 

Radical Collaboration as a Means of True Connection

Which brings me to the crux of this post: astrology is for everyone, even if you are too young to initially understand, even if the online thread you read told you that Aries suns and Capricorn suns were never meant to fall in love, and even if you’re afraid that by enjoying astrology, even just a little bit, you’re relegating yourself to concepts deemed “too weird” or “unprovable”. Or worse, that by liking it, there’s something “too weird” about you. 

In my attempt to neatly summarize this ethos, I came up with a name: radical collaboration. But what does this mean? 

I understand this to mean that no matter what your sign is, or what your birth chart looks like, or how old you are, or what your gender expression is, or even how skeptical you are of astrological concepts in general, there is a place for you in this beautifully weird and expansive world if you so choose to be open to it. 

Understanding Harmful Stereotypes

No matter what your sign is, or what your birth chart looks like, or how old you are, or what your gender expression is, or even how skeptical you are of astrological concepts in general, there is a place for you in this beautifully weird and expansive world if you so choose to be open to it. 

Radical collaboration can be helpful in terms of denouncing potentially harmful stereotypical archetypes and pairings of the signs. This includes things like: 

• Water signs can only have truly meaningful, intimate relationships with other water signs because no one else can understand emotions like they can.

• Earth signs are boring. 

• Geminis are always socially vibrant, with the ability to hold a conversation with anyone, anywhere.

• Air signs are afraid of commitment and therefore are serial cheaters/consistently unfaithful in relationships.

• Scorpios are so dark and mysterious and brooding; they’re too negative. 

• Virgos are automatically uptight and controlling, and no one likes an uptight and controlling person or partner. 

• Being the first Zodiac sign, Aries are self-centered.

Etc, etc. 

These ideas only limit the true potential of astrological study, and can create unnecessary and false polarization between groups of people. 

Planetary Aspects

Let’s also consider aspects between planets as a way to radically connect with others interpersonally and with the collective energy that guides us at any times. 

The hard aspects (square, semi-square, opposition, and the “it depends” conjunction) can tell us where we might struggle internally or externally with others, but I believe the root of these aspects is to push us more concretely out of our comfort zones into new, rewarding territory. These aspects may create friction and tension initially, but it is only through working through these challenges that the real psychological jewels of our self-expression can be revealed. 

Likewise, “easy” or harmonious aspects (such as the trine, sextile, semi-sextile, and the “it depends” conjunction), whether in the birth chart or in a synastry reading, might seem preferable at first glance, but just because something is easy doesn’t mean it’s yielding the desired outcome in one’s life. Easy does not automatically equal beneficial. 

In Summary 

Finding meaning in our lives via astrological study opens us to the realities of existence beyond our limited human comprehension. Using astrology as a tool to connect, rather than divide, stands as a foundational premise to beginning with astrological study in the first place. And, understanding that astrology is merely a tool for self-discovery, not a predetermined roadmap, can help us awaken to the beautiful similarities and differences found within ourselves and in others. 

When confronted with challenges both internally and externally, I encourage you to consider the potential nuggets of connectedness supported by a healthy astrological practice buried among any threads of doubt floating in your internal atmosphere. 

We are all part of something much greater than ourselves, and astrology is one of the most powerful tools to build understanding among the cosmic tapestry we find ourselves in. 

the differences we see & feel: on being one-eyed, female & Black

If you ever get the opportunity to speak candidly with folks who endure “Othering”, a term coined by the Black studies scholar john a. powell, you’ll begin to recognize a common thread: people have many judgments about things they have no lived experience of, and oftentimes, these same people are the most shameless about proclaiming said opinions.

As Black people, we are intimately familiar with this concept. No matter which sociopolitical reality you experience, if you are Black, you are most likely acutely aware of the feeling of being different from those around you, simply because of your self-presentation.

If you are Black and queer, you’ve experienced it.

And if you are Black and disabled, well, the same goes for you, too. 

The word “disabled” never resonated with me. Even as a little girl, it was always my prayer that the thing about me that made me different just made me cool, not weird or strange or unapproachable or unlovable.

Because that’s what we’re saying when we introduce this idea of “othering” into our personal and collective lexicons: that somewhere, deep down, the thing that makes you different makes you unworthy of love, so much so that others will find ways to peel your beauty off of you like a sticky film to be washed away and never mentioned of again. 

It’s my right as an alternatively-abled person to be able to choose how I describe my abilities and sense of self. If you grew up with something that made you different from most of the people around you, you have that right, too. 

In my case, being alternatively-abled means that I was born with congenital anophthalmia, a fancy term for being born with only one eye. At the time of my birth, only my right eye had grown in its socket. The left socket was empty. 

The medical community often interchanges the terms “anophthalmia” and “microphthalmia”, although there are distinctions between the two. People with anophthalmia experience no growth of the eye in the eye socket, whereas those with microphthalmia typically have a very small eye in one or both sockets. In more severe cases, people with microphthalmia may appear to have no eye at all, even if there are remnants of eye tissue in the socket. 

Anophthalmia occurs in approximately 780 children annually in the United States. There are several potential causes, most of which point to monogenic or chromosomal mutations. There has also been research which supports certain environmental factors, such as vitamin A deficiency, as potential risk-factors. Given the complexity of fetal development during pregnancy, research continues to develop in this area. 

In my case, doctors aren’t quite sure why I came out this way, but here I am, out here, existing. I wear a prosthetic eye, made from medical-grade acrylic plastic, that fantastically mimics the exact look of my seeing eye. My ocularist, a type of doctor responsible for crafting prosthetic eyes, is an honest-to-God wizard that flawlessly blends science, medicine and art to create living masterpieces. 

Things like this make me believe in magic.  

With that being said, the road to self-acceptance has been long and tenuous. For all the triumphs, there have been many, many tribulations. Growing up, I underwent multiple reconstructive surgeries to ensure that my eye socket could even accept a prosthesis. The alternative to such surgeries is a sort of hope-for-the-best prognosis; given how quickly kids’ faces and bodies develop and change during the early formative years, it’s highly possible that someone with anophthalmia who doesn’t or can’t elect to surgery will experience facial development that may permanently prevent them from being able to wear a prosthesis. In other words, a child’s facial bones can grow so quickly that any future reconstructive surgery may no longer be an effective solution. This is why early intervention is critical, should the person want to have the option of wearing a prosthetic eye. This is also why urgent discussions of medical discrimination and racism are particularly relevant: if a doctor hasn’t worked with many - or any - children and families of color, and doesn’t have the cultural competency or empathetic muscle to understand their circumstances, what happens to that child? There is so much more at stake here than simply finding the most technically-skilled surgeon to intervene.

Recovery from reconstructive surgeries can be painful and unexpectedly drawn out. 

Sometimes they don't go exactly according to plan, or need to happen quickly, as was the case when my lower eyelid spontaneously disconnected from the upper, causing my prosthesis to fall out onto the polished hardwood floors of my parents’ living room. I was nine years old. 

I went to school the next day wearing a black polyester pirate’s eye patch under the strict guidance of my ophthalmologist (that part was a bit thrilling, I admit). He had me wear the patch for several days until there was a slot in his schedule to perform the repair surgery. The kids at school had a field day, as you can imagine. I tried my best to keep it together, but how can you hide from yourself when you’ve got on a black polyester pirate’s eye patch around a bunch of fifth graders? 

All things considered, the incident wasn’t too bad, at least physically: my (very expensive and not covered by American health insurance, in case you were wondering) eye didn’t shatter upon clattering onto the floor, and the surgery went successfully, as expected. 

Emotionally, though, my outlook was more bleak; any delusions of coolness or self-preservation I might’ve harbored in my little nine-year-old gut had vanished into thin air. I was That Black Girl With The Weird Eye, And Yes She’s Intelligent And Articulate But What’s Wrong With Her Eye??

Thus began intimate cycles of self-loathing, of retreating into myself. 

The eventual, thorny puberty years highlighted a truth I had long suspected: looks matter more than anything else, and therefore the entirety of my worth depended upon acceptance by kids who had never met anyone with one eye, let alone someone like me, a suburban girl raised in the 90s by older parents who had survived late Jim Crow-era segregation, with natural hair and glasses and a penchant for *NSync and Leonardo DiCaprio. 

____

The Americans with Disabilities Act, signed into law in 1990, defines a disabled person as "a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a person who has a history or record of such an impairment, or a person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment."

I think the ADA’s definition of a disabled person is fascinating, especially the last bit: “A person who is perceived by others as having such an impairment”. In a culture where perception, oftentimes at the expense of reality, predicates so much of our personal and professional success, other peoples’ opinions become a decidedly slippery slope to navigate.

My truth is that I'm able to perform pretty much all the tasks I need and want to throughout my daily life. This means I can drive a car (yes, really), work full-time, get a graduate degree, go to the gym and lift weights, swim in the ocean, watch movies, read Tarot cards, make friends, flirt, fuck, wear eye makeup, retweet wholesome memes, and other things. I don't say that to brag, or to make me feel better about myself (although truth be told, I'm always trying to do the latter in some form or another, as a #CarefreeBlackGirlWhoGotThisWayViaTherapyAndCopingStrategies). I also had the good fortune to be born into a loving middle-class family with the means to support my medical needs, and the access to people and resources who could help when we couldn’t help ourselves. For that, and for many other reasons, I am grateful. 

As my physical appearance has matured over the years and modern medicine continues to advance, the pointed questions, sideways glances and nosy-but-well-meaning folks’ opinions have generally diminished. My prosthesis has gracefully adapted to my facial structure after countless ophthalmologist visits, surgical interventions, and hours in the ocularist’s chair. 

The emotional wounds sting less, as they are wont to do by the grace of time and spirit. I consciously surround myself with people who love me for who and how I am, who see and believe in my beauty, both physical and fundamental, and who recognize me as a treasure rather than an inconvenience. 

My family, too, supports me in all that I do. I doubt I could be as functional and outward-facing as I am had it not been for their early support. Despite the trappings of our image-obsessed, front-facing camera-ready society, they buoy me in ways spoken and unspoken. And my fiance puts me on a pedestal, no cap - he encourages me to understand that I am beautiful because of my eye, not in spite of it. 

It feels good to be here. Even if being here comes with its own set of complications. 

It’s simplistic to say that as humans, we must search internally for our own sense of validation and understanding, and to avoid seeking ourselves outside of ourselves. This is especially relevant in the Buddhist tradition, and other ancient spiritual practices. I began studying these practices for this precise reason; I wanted to understand my condition in a way that was central to my own experience, and not solely in contrast with how the world may or may not see me. 

But the more I learn about myself and my place here on the physical plane, I wrestle with the idea that I am not stuck in a vacuum; people see and hear me, and I do the same for them. We can’t seek ourselves outside of ourselves, but sometimes in order to get there, inputs that challenge what we think we know come into play. The work is internal, but the external experiences can help - most often in the form of psychological triggers that spur us into real healing and self-actualization.

My “disability” is a part of my identity I continually work to come to terms with. Like my Blackness, and my femininity, it is part of my self-presentation; something I can’t erase. I wouldn’t want to, either. 

And now, being age 29, during a time which at present feels like a reckoning of all the years that came before it, the urgency to share my story shines through, pressing up against my back, gently nudging me toward the open door of unabashed personal expression. 

__

The other morning, I went to go grab breakfast from one of my favorite local places, face covered in the requisite mask, hands recently cleansed by the contents of my travel hand sanitizer. My usual guy saw me enter, his eyes crinkling at the edges to tell me that there was a smile underneath the fabric on his face. He was accompanied by someone new, someone I didn’t recognize - his nine-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter, who I presumed were serving as dad’s helpers for the day. His son greeted me with a warm hello, holding up my bag of food as he spoke. I took my sunglasses off and reached in my bag for my wallet, and as I did so, little gasps erupted from the children. 

“What happened to your eye?” the boy exclaimed, a mixture of concern and intense curiosity in his voice. 

“Yeah, what happened!” the girl’s voice echoed excitedly. “Why does one of your eyes look like it’s pointing down and the other one is looking straight ahead?”

I finished paying and put my wallet away, the thoughts whirring in my head about the best way to answer the question. I paused and smiled. 

“Well, I was born with one eye. My left eye is a pretend copy of my right eye. I can only see out of the right eye.” 

If only you could have seen the look on their faces. 

“That’s possible??” the boy blurted out, a huge grin on his face as he bounced up and down. “That’s so cool!” 

Meanwhile, the little girl glanced at me skeptically. 

“Well, I have TWO eyes, you know”, she quipped. 

I told her that both of her eyes were beautiful, and that people are made differently. Some people have two eyes, and other people have one. 

She seemed satisfied enough with that answer and left, skipping to the back of the shop. 

Food in hand, I smiled, said goodbye and walked out of the door. 

the curly buddha bookshelf: your astrological self-knowledge toolkit

The Internet hosts a wealth of incredible information about astrology, let’s be clear about that. But SOMETIMES - sometimes you just want a good old fashioned, worn-between-the-leather, hold-it-in-your-hands book to guide you in the direction of astrological self-knowledge.

The Taurean (and nerd) in me loves a tactile learning experience - there’s just something deeply mystical about the process of reading a book, flipping through its pages, and feeling the depth of knowledge being deposited into your pores.

Not to mention that books provide a degree of learned expertise, which is especially important in the Information Age when information can be so easily accessed - and misrepresented.

Below are some books that have helped me tremendously, along with some key things to be aware of depending on what you’re looking for :). Note that these focus on traditional Hellenistic (Western) astrological practices.

If you just can’t be bothered and technology is more your thing (though I’d strongly suggest trying both approaches and switching it up from time to time), check out my social accounts for plugs to Internet astro-folks I fangirl over (and learn a lot from).

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the basics: beginning your astrological practice

The Power of Birthdays, Stars & Numbers:

The Complete Personology Reference Guide

By Saffi Crawford & Geraldine Sullivan

This is a CLASSIC. I “borrowed” this book from my Mom for the first time when I was in high school - 10+ years later, her copy remains on my living room bookshelf. :)

Crawford & Sullivan break down all 365 calendar days of the year, providing an astro profile of your birthday complete with compatible soul mate dates, your work & vocation identity, your “secret self”, and even a brief numerological profile. They also touch on more intermediate subjects like decans and fixed stars.

Best for:

- Establishing basic knowledge of the 12 signs

- Understanding your own astrological profile

- Parties/social events, sharing easily digestible & fun astrological info with the people in your life

Buy

The Compleat Astrologer

By Derek and Julia Parker

This technicolor science-minded reference book, originally published in 1971, contains “a history of more than 6,000 years, from the astrologer-priests of Babylon to modern interpreters of the Age of Aquarius. Aside from its stunning, psychedelic illustrations, this book covers a wide range of subjects, from planetary progressions to understanding astrology from different locations around the world.

Best for:

- Astronomy & physics enthusiasts (they go in-depth on planetary movements, the solar system, and measuring spatial positions)

- Fans of 70s-era artwork :)

Buy

The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need

By Joanna Martine Woolfolk

This is another classic, and while I’m not sure I’d say this is the only astrology book you’ll ever need, it is an excellent one.

This text keeps it simple with info about your sun, moon, and rising signs, and provides guidance on how to build your own birth chart.

There’s also some cool stuff about astrology through history.

Best for:

- Nailing down the astro basics

- A quick reference guide as you build on concepts

Buy

The Astrologer’s Handbook

By Frances Sakoian & Louis S. Acker

This book does an amazing job of laying out certain topics - like planet exaltations, planetary aspects, and house placements. It has an in-depth glossary where you can find detailed descriptions of aspects between the inner and outer planets. Some of the descriptions use antiquated cultural references & language (the original version was published in 1973), but the overall message remains timely and relevant.

Best for:

- Learning planetary aspects

- Learning about the houses and how the signs function within and as rulers of them

Buy

You Were Born for This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance

By Chani Nicholas

Chani Nicholas is one of modern astrology’s community darlings, and her new book sets a great foundation for understanding astrology on an intuitive level. One thing I love about the way Chani talks about astrology is her emphasis on the ruler of the ascendant as a primary launching point for one’s understanding of their chart. This is a great place to start for a well-rounded astrological practice.

Best for:

- Foundational knowledge of astrology using traditional Hellenistic principles

- Understanding astrology from a holistic perspective

Buy

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Intermediate study: building upon your foundations

Chart Your Own Horoscope: For Beginner & Professional

By Ursula Lewis

Okay, so this book says it’s for beginners and professionals - but it’s a pretty sophisticated text that may be too nuanced for those just beginning their astrological practice.

I tried finding out more about Lewis because this book is really an amazing tapestry of detailed astro info: signs in the houses, chart distribution patterns, house rulership, and more. Apparently she was a German astrologer but was cited in the Astrological Pioneers of America reference text, written in the 80s. There’s not a lot out there about her on the Internet. If you know anything about her, holla at me.

The most impressive thing about this book imo is the STEP-BY-STEP how-to guides on drawing your own chart. These go in depth.

Best for:

- Professional astrologers, purists, aspiring witches or those who simply have an inherent distrust of tech - learn how to literally draw your own birth chart from scratch

- Fans of geometry & analytical problem-solving

- Getting into the nitty-gritty

Buy

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advanced astrological exploration

The Astrology of Personality

By Dane Rudhyar

A quote from the 1991 re-edition of this text speaks loudly: “[this is] the pivotal book that launched humanistic astrology and made it clear that astrology was a subject for intelligent and perceptive minds, not merely for fortunetelling.

Dane Rudhyar is often considered one of the “Godfathers” of astrology; this book solidifies his position as such. Equal parts astrology and philosophy, his insights go deep. Prepare to be amazed.

Best for:

- Marrying philosophical and astrological insights

- Blowing your mind

Buy

Inside Degrees

By Ellias Lonsdale

This is part 2 of a 3-part book series entitled Inside Astrology - maybe I should recommend the first and last titles as well, Inside Planets and Inside Star Vision, because Lonsdale’s writing is just that immersive.

Lonsdale is not merely an astrologer - he is a philosopher with a poet’s spirit, supported by the Chandra and Sabian Symbols. His work is deeply emotional and evocative - honestly, everything he writes makes me cry, in a good way (or maybe that’s just my Cancer Mars talking).

At any rate, this book provides beautiful descriptions of all 30 degrees of each Sun sign. It presents a new way of thinking about astrology, free from cliches and overused phrasing. I highly recommend it.

Best for:

- Leveling up your practice

- Understanding the astrological degrees from a deep soul level

Buy

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honorable mentions & subject-specific texts

Linda Goodman’s Love Signs

By Linda Goodman

This is a fun one. Linda Goodman is arguably one of the most iconic astrologers of the 20th century, and her Love Signs is a celebration of, well, love - she provides witty, easily digestible relationship profiles for all 12 signs and their cis het couplings.

Hopefully one day there will be a revival edition with LGBTQ+ combos.

Best for:

- Coffee table chat

- Quick reference for you and your lover

Buy

Cosmic Weather Report

By Ellias Lonsdale & Mark Borax

Lonsdale and Borax instantly draw you into their narrative regarding the Cult of Normalcy - which sounds menacing (and it is, when you consider the depths they’ve gone to in order to decompose and decolonize the systems of illusion that keep humanity locked in a virtual - and sometimes actual - cage).

Best for:

- Philosophical study

- Attaining personal breakthroughs

Buy

Healing Pluto Problems

By Donna Cunningham

I love this book! If you or someone you love has a particularly Plutonic birth chart (e.g., 1H Pluto, hard aspects between Sun-Pluto [such as the square or opposition], Moon in Scorpio, Pluto conjunct the Ascendant, etc…I should probably make a post on this…) then this book is for you. Control, power struggles, intense emotional responses, abuse, manipulation and other challenging subjects are explored here in detail, with an emphasis on transforming heavier negative energies into opportunities for self-transformation.

Best for:

- Plutonians and the people who love them

- Advanced study

Buy

breaking free of "why"

“Why am I feeling like this?

“Why do I feel so horrible?”

“Everyone around me seems to be coping with issues just fine. Why does it seem like I’m not doing as well as they are?” 

“Why am I so behind?”

“What am I doing wrong? I try so hard to feel good by doing what I’m told is the right thing - meditation, rest, clean eating, moving my body in uplifting ways - but end up feeling like shit instead.”

Do these questions sound familiar? 

To me, they do. It’s so easy to obsess over asking myself “why” when I’m feeling upset, drained, bored, confused, frustrated, or any other mess of negative emotions. The soul-level transitions of 2020, and now the ongoing work of building new paradigms, brings with it opportunities to become more intimately familiar with these feelings than ever before.

These feelings have a tendency to become reflexive, instinctual. I get caught in a web of questioning the negative feelings that sit in the pit of my stomach, just as quickly as the feelings appear. 

There is an intense burning inside of me that believes that if I can just understand WHY I am feeling the way that I do, then I can solve the issue and release my suffering. I can get “back on track” and understand the problem, thereby avoiding it again in the future. 

I used to believe that this worked. But then it all started to unravel, and even when I’d follow the process of asking myself why, and come up with answers that I thought were sufficient, I’d still fail to relieve my suffering and end back up in the same place I was when I started. Sometimes this process was instantaneous; other times, I’d convince myself I was fine, at least for a little while. Eventually, though, the negative feelings would creep back in, and things would go back to how they were. 

After repeating this cycle over and over, stumbling along the way, here is what I am ready to understand: 

The ego seeks understanding. The soul seeks, and is, love.

What do I mean by this? 

The ego is ready to go to war for things it cannot understand in basic, simple terms. It seeks answers to questions that cannot be answered plainly, validation for feelings that do not need to be coddled, and resistance to things that are new and unknown. 

The ego exerts itself through an insatiable need to know on an intellectual level. This has nothing to do with the felt sense of the body. The ego thinks, “if I can just know the answer to this problem I am having, then I can control it, and by controlling it, I can feel safe. All I need is to feel safe, and then I can be free.”

The ego is responsible for upholding what soul-level astrologers Mark Borax and Marcella Eversole call “the Trance of Normalcy”. The ego within all of us has a hard time understanding that it is not truly in control, because most of us are taught that the ego is the critical, and most central, point of contact between ourselves and the world we live in. We are taught that it’s the ego that makes the decisions, seeks the recognition, gets the accolades, and creates our success. 

How does this show up in practical ways? For me, it can look like: 

• Comparing myself to people I know (and people I don’t)

• Doing things that don’t feel aligned just because someone told me I “should”, or because there has been an expectation of certain behavior from family, friends, and/or society

• Repeatedly working until I am physically and emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted

• Placing an emphasis on my external achievements and believing that my worth is defined by them

• Overly rigid and binary thinking (this is right, that is wrong, and there is no in-between)

• Abusing my personal boundaries by saying yes to things I don’t want to say yes to

• Abusing my personal boundaries by ignoring how I really feel just to “get along” 

• Fear of being vulnerable, even around people I trust

The soul inherently counters this notion of absolute control. Esther and Abraham Hicks are an amazing source of guidance on the subject. The soul understands that having the “right answer” is not what will solve the perceived problem. In fact, the soul knows that there is no specific “right answer”, only an infinite number of paths to various destinations, some of which will lead us to places of joy, and others which will lead us to places that do not serve our most aching wishes. The soul wants us to know that we cannot make a “wrong” decision; there is no such thing. The soul is always working to realign us with our most true, most divine wishes, dreams, and desires. The soul understands that the only way to emancipate ourselves from the feelings keeping us down is to accept. That’s it. Accept them, feel them, experience them for what they are, without judgement or shaming. Once we accept, we can divert our energy to spaces aligned with what generates the most happiness and joy for us internally.

And so today, I sit and I write and I share this with you.  

I am learning to break free of pestering myself with questions of “why”. Why I fall into believing I’m not good enough, why time seems to be moving both more slowly and quickly these days, why I have trouble letting go of certain patterns in my life, why things in my past have happened that didn’t make sense to me then, and still stand to confuse me now. These are all pieces of my ego that yearn to be noticed. Instead of growing more and more frustrated that I can’t always answer these questions, or the answers I come up with seem insufficient, I turn to letting go. 

I turn to accepting the emotions for what they are - fear, anxiety, frustration, loneliness, sadness. They are all valid and I am no less worthy for feeling them. 

The next time I am tempted to ask myself “why” I feel a certain way, I will take a deep breath in through my nose, exhale fluidly through my mouth, and just be with what comes up. I am learning that in the moment after, there is truth, and there is love. 

I am grateful. 

Your Venus Sign: Your Heart's Signature

Your birth chart is a physical imprint of your soul’s infinite destiny, expressed during this lifetime. 

When we talk about your Venus sign, we’re talking about where the planet Venus was in the sky at the time of your birth. 

Venus, the second planet in our solar system, is tied to notions of love, beauty, relationships, romance, based on the Western mythology of the Roman goddess, Venus. 

Understanding Venus in your chart can help you decode: 

• how you operate in relationships

• your attachment style

• what inspires you on an emotional level 

• the kinds of relationships you gravitate towards

• what motivates you in partnership(s) 

• your friendship style

• what turns you off emotionally 

• how you function in social situations 

• the best ways to meet a partner or strengthen an existing relationship

Venusian energy by nature is ebullient and seductive. Venus tells us how we seduce others, and how we like to be seduced in return. But to be clear, we’re not talking strictly about sex or our sexual relationships with others - Venus’ seduction influences our platonic relationships, professional relationships, and the connections we make throughout our daily life, even with strangers. 

Each Venus sign has its own flavor, its own spiritual signature written upon our souls. For instance, Venus in tender, watery Cancer can operate much differently than Venus in airy, intellectually-inclined and free-spirited Gemini. 

The house where Venus lives in our chart can tell us which areas of life our Venusian energy comes into play more significantly. 

Aspects between Venus and other planets in our chart can also tell us more specifically how our Venusian energy works with other aspects of our personality - harmonious aspects like the trine and sextile can indicate easier, more instinctual psychological and emotional acceptance of Venus’ energy in our life, whereas more discordant aspects like the square and opposition can make it more difficult for us to access Venusian energy when and where we need it. 

Please note: I advocate for radical collaboration between the signs. Read more about what this means here.

Read on for descriptions of each of the 12 Venus signs.

• Venus in Aries

• Venus in Taurus

• Venus in Gemini

• Venus in Cancer

• Venus in Leo

• Venus in Virgo

• Venus in Libra

• Venus in Scorpio

• Venus in Sagittarius

• Venus in Capricorn

• Venus in Aquarius

• Venus in Pisces
  

Venus in Pisces

Carrying the psychic weight of the 11 signs before it, Venus in Pisces represents the ethereal and universal connection to divine love consciousness in its highest form. As Venus is exalted in Pisces, this placement shows us how love can be used as a healing force for eternal good, if we consciously choose to let it be so. Those born with this placement possess an undeniable magnetism that affords them the ability to seamlessly connect with friends and lovers alike. There is a natural, unforced emotional receptivity here that endears others to people with this placement. Some might consider this as being empathic or clairvoyant, and certainly this placement can assist those in the healing professions as there is the ability here to connect intimately with others’ most tender and private emotions on a real, heart-sensed level. 

In romantic relationships, Venus in Pisces might be the most misunderstood or misrepresented sign. Pisces energy is highly malleable, as it is a mutable sign and ruled by Neptune. For this reason, there is a tendency to get lost or swept away in preconceived or collective notions of love and partnership. Venus in Pisces is skillful at mimicking partners’ love and attraction styles; it’s not uncommon for a person with Venus in Pisces to consciously or subconsciously adopt mannerisms, speech patterns, behaviors or even physical attributes that are similar to their partner’s. The Piscean ideal seeks to merge with whatever - or whoever - it encounters. Dangers of codependency and emotional enmeshment can threaten Venus in Pisces relationships when personal boundaries are not prioritized. For this reason, it is essential for Venus in Pisces natives to protect themselves against disingenuous behavior, lest they fall into exhausting and emotionally volatile cat-and-mouse games to prove who can out-manipulate who. 

In its most exalted form, Venus in Pisces is the selfless, creative, peaceful yet attentive lover, supported by their equally-devoted partner in a cocoon of comfortable and self-satisfying surroundings. There is a deep, aching longing for Venus in Pisces natives to find their soulmate; serial casual dating and relationships based solely on sexual attraction can be appealing in the short-term but may lead to delusion and cynicism for this sign. 

Human interaction, and the human experience as a whole, cannot be solely categorized by perfection or idealism; this poses a real threat to Piscean inclinations of utopianism and escapism. What happens when Pisces discovers that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but can’t stop wishing it were and would do anything to get that feeling back again? Herein lies the eternal struggle with Venus in Pisces. For this placement, radical acceptance of the self and others can serve as the antidote to feelings of existential pessimism and interpersonal malaise. Finding friends and partners who support Venus in Pisces’ emotional grounding is key; there is fertile ground for Venus in Pisces when it decides to open itself up to more realistic and clear perceptions of love and relationships. 

If you have this placement, understand that you possess a deeply powerful and even spiritual connection to the way you approach interpersonal relationships; this is a gift not to be taken lightly. Avoid resorting to power games and manipulative behaviors in order to get your emotional needs met. If you are hoping to win the affections of someone with this placement, prioritize transparency and sensitivity as a vehicle for connection. 

Venus in Aquarius

Love overflows from a technicolor chalice when Venus meets Aquarius. Here, love and relationships are neither pretentious nor simple, neither inhibited nor easy to ignore. This Venus sign exists among a world of paradoxes, with a few key elements remaining at the core. Elements like freedom, independence, a commitment to justice and equality, and emotional detachment are central for the Venus sign that fundamentally rejects labels or boxes.  

Speaking of justice and equality, matters of the two go hand-in-hand especially in relationships for this sign. This is not the partner that vehemently upholds the necessity of marriage by age 25 and kids, a house, and a backyard with a pool by age 30. This is also not the partner that staunchly believes men are the primary breadwinners in the relationship, and that women are meant to stay home with the kids. Doing what is considered predictable, conventional, or even socially acceptable isn’t of much interest to the Venus in Aquarius lover and friend. In fact, the more provocative and unique, the better. Even for Venus in Aquarius folks with more traditional upbringings, there is a deep, internal longing to venture away from what is considered “appropriate” or expected in regards to their relationships, romantic and otherwise. Folks with this placement may be more accepting of members of their community who are considered outcasts, or who have been othered in some way. There may even be a desire to seek out these kinds of relationships, in order to expand their realm of reality and approach life from an alternative perspective. To the Venus in Aquarius paramour, being different is sexy. 

Thanks to ruling planet Uranus, this sign has an aptitude for surprises and unpredictable behavior. For those who prefer emotional predictability and a sense of routine, this might be shocking. But for those who seek a more unconventional understanding of humanity, with a need to immerse themselves into the many wonders of different societal structures and attitudes, Venus in Aquarius is the way to go. 

Experimentation on a sexual level is another key indicator for Venus in Aquarius. Not one to shy away from trying something at least once, this sign takes a detached approach to matters of intimacy. Sex is as much a natural function of the human experience as it is a means to derive pleasure, intimacy and enjoyment. Venus in Aquarius has the proclivity to look at their sexual partners truly as people, rather than possessions or mere sexual objects. For those who value intimacy as a means to emotionally intertwine themselves with their partner, this can read as coldness or calculating manipulation. But Venus in Aquarius isn’t overly interested in mind games, despite the fact that their openness and curiosity toward human behavior would probably enable them to play these kinds of games skillfully. In fact, there’s a level of straightforwardness and emotional honesty here that can be incredibly refreshing. 

Like Venus in Sagittarius, friendship is incredibly important to the Venus in Aquarius native. Building a relationship on the basis of friendship is a natural progression for Aquarius Venus; here, there is comfort in creating an airy, free-flowing dynamic supported by a network of other friends, creatives, and unique characters. Community can also play an important role with Venus in Aquarius relationships, and natives with this sign are apt to feel encouraged when they date people who can grant them the trust and freedom to openly tend to their own far-reaching communities of friends and associates. 

If you have this placement, take the time to celebrate your unconventional approach to friendship and relationship, and know that independence and loyalty are not mutually exclusive. If you are seeking the affections of someone with this placement, be prepared to stand firmly in your own life, interests, and pursuits, meanwhile allowing your Venus in Aquarius interest to be open to sharing theirs in return.

Venus in Capricorn

There’s something to be said about Venus in Capricorn’s ability to both literally and existentially “age like fine wine”, thanks to ruling planet Saturn’s emphasis on long-term rewards gained over time. Those with Venus in Capricorn are probably familiar with the idea of patience and perseverance more so than any other Venus sign - patience regarding love, building friendship, physical attraction, and intimacy. These folks know that what’s truly and authentically good can only get better, and that love requires a commitment that is best nurtured over many experiences, ups and downs, and evolutions of mind, body and soul. 

Much like Venus in Scorpio, there is an intensity, depth, and searing yet hidden sexuality to Venus in Capricorn that can be wildly attractive or intimidating to others, depending on the circumstances. With a cautious and apprehensive exterior, this Venus sign possesses a highly-skilled and intuitive bullshit detector, working to sniff out potential mates that simply don’t meet their particular standards. Venus in Capricorn ultimately knows what they want and are wary to settle for less, simply because when they commit themselves to a partner, they are unequivocally committed, through the good and the truly reprehensible. Loyalty and faithfulness are of the utmost importance to this Venus sign. With that being said, Venus in Capricorn is not above taking matters of fidelity into their own hands if they feel as though their partner is not upholding their end of the bargain in the relationship. 

There is a beautiful unfolding of humor, sharp wit and warmth when Venus in Capricorn allows themselves to be open to love and relationships. This is a placement that can take others (pleasantly) by surprise. So much outpouring of creativity and connectedness here, yet only available to the lucky few it feels comfortable connecting with and being supported by. Comfort remains an important theme for Venus in Capricorn. There is an ongoing tug-of-war here in terms of sacrifice vs. comfort, endurance vs. relaxation, and commitment vs. rejection of responsibility. Venus in Capricorn is well-steeped in following tradition and abiding by the rules, but also feels a great sense of relief, and perhaps guilt, once they let their hair down and allow themselves to enjoy the luxury of a fulfilling relationship. 

Venus in Capricorn might be open to casual and non-committed types of relationships, especially if they are early in their career or education. But ultimately, lifetime partnership is highly important to this Venus sign and carrying on a legacy they can be proud of matters immensely. 

If you have this Venus placement, remain committed to upholding your standards in relationships. Wanting the best for your relationships, and wanting a partner that can match you intellectually and socially, is worth the time and sacrifice. Also, expect that your options for love and romance will improve with age and growth of experience. If you are interested in someone with this placement, believe in this mantra: “it gets better with time”. 

Venus in Sagittarius

Fun, play, flirtatiousness, and frivolity are on the menu when Venus meets Sagittarius. As the Zodiac’s resident fantasy philosopher, Sagittarius knows a thing or two about prioritizing life’s simple pleasures, choosing to focus on the lighter, more fun-filled aspects of relationships. Now, this is not to say that Venus in Sagittarius can’t or won’t take things seriously in their interpersonal life; when committed, this placement has the ability to remain steadfast. But, finding that special person who can both accept Venus in Sag’s need for independence and stay close enough to provide loyal, loving comfort can prove to be a challenge indeed.

Societal expectations surrounding marriage and monogamy are of particular interest when thinking about Venus in Sag’s tendencies toward unconventional relationships and a desire to buck traditional notions of love and intimacy. You’re likely to see these folks participating in non-traditional commitment ceremonies (as opposed to a traditional wedding), getting permanent finger tattoos instead of actual rings, eloping to a remote island in the South Pacific, or saying “I do” with Elvis’s help in a 24-hour Vegas wedding chapel, tequila shots included.   

Venus in Sagittarius benefits from building a wide social circle (plus this probably comes naturally anyway); this placement most probably invented the concept of Friends with Benefits and prides itself on maintaining an element of friendship while in the confines of sexual or romantic relationships. Friendship and platonic camaraderie are extremely important to this Venus sign; it’s unlikely that natives with this placement will be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with someone they can’t connect with on an intellectual or philosophical level. By the same token, Venus in Sagittarius greatly admires intelligence and mental stamina among their friends and lovers, choosing to spend time with people who can hold their own in free-spirited debates and verbal sparring. In fact, this can be quite the turn on for Venus in Sag folks. 

Back to the freedom concept. Venus in Sagittarius is perhaps the most freedom-loving Venus placement of all 12 signs, even rivaling Venus in Aquarius in their need to have the space to explore novel experiences and gain unique perspectives. Truly, there is a compulsion here thanks to Sagittarius’ ruling planet, Jupiter, to explore - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual exploration is a key method of self-regeneration for Venus in Sag, and paradoxically can help keep their relationships grounded and secure. Sagittarius energy thrives on novelty, and an overemphasis on routine or traditionality can often feel deeply inhibiting or even depressing for those with this placement. 

As Sagittarius is a mutable Fire sign, Venus in Sagittarius can benefit from relationships in which new experiences serve as the foundation for love and intimacy. Sentimentality or an overreliance on traditional ideals of romance are not the route to take when dealing with someone with this placement. Friendship here is key. If you have this placement, understand and seriously consider your need for novelty and independence in your relationships and be willing to openly communicate this to your partner. If you are seeking the affections of someone with this placement, give yourself permission to show your playful side openly, and let the relationship unfold without putting too much pressure on what the happily-ever-after looks like, especially if it looks different than what’s expected.

Venus in Scorpio

If visceral sexiness and unfiltered emotional expression are part of your must-haves in a partner, you may have met your match with Venus in Scorpio. Now, the question begs: will they want you in the same way, too? 

Venus in Scorpio has a reputation for being all-consuming and obsessive when it comes to matters of the heart. Folks with this placement won’t necessarily be the ones to tell you everything about themselves first. In fact, they’d prefer to be the initiator in matters of courtship, asking you questions and getting to know all the details about you first if they find you intriguing enough to proceed. This is partially out of a genuine curiosity and interest in you (and human behavior in general - Scorpio is the Zodiac’s resident psychologist), but also (either consciously or unconsciously) as a means to subtly control the situation. This is because Venus in Scorpio possesses amazing qualities of loyalty and devotion, and finding themselves in positions of vulnerability means being susceptible to potentially life-altering heartache if things don’t go the way they hope. They want to be sure that they can trust you, because for them, when they find themselves in love, they really put their heart and soul on the line. Doing this is no easy task, which Venus in Scorpio understands intimately. There is certainly an all-or-nothing element to Venus in Scorpio relationships, which can be beautiful if both partners are equally invested, or more challenging if one party isn’t completely on board, or has different perceptions about the relationship’s dynamics. 

The primordial dance of courtship between Venus in Scorpio and their object of affection is something amazing to witness. The usage of the word “primordial” here is intentional; there’s something instinctually sensual and seductive about Venus in Scorpio’s methods of seduction once they decide who they want and go after it. Usually, Venus in Scorpio will dedicate significant time and energy toward understanding the likes, dislikes, interests, and turn-ons of their love interest. Then, it becomes a delicious game of cat and mouse, with Venus in Scorpio leading the charge. Even when it comes to short-lived flings or casual relationships, there’s an intentionality and presence of action here.

As Scorpio is a fixed Water sign ruled by Pluto, emotions remain at the forefront with Venus in Scorpio. Generally speaking, it’s not really Venus in Scorpio’s tendency to have superficial, surface-level relationships. Venus in Scorpio folks need to intimately acquaint themselves with the emotional undercurrents of their partner, even if those emotions might be considered ugly, “too much”, embarrassing, or difficult to understand by others. In fact, Venus in Scorpio natives may find themselves attracting, or, in extreme cases, being victimized by, emotionally-wounded or afflicted partners and friends. It’s important for Venus in Scorpio to understand their emotional power and breadth; even on an unconscious level, others can sense the depth present in Venus in Scorpio natives and can feel compelled to unload or unleash personal traumas even early on in the relationship. 

Sexually speaking, the rumors are true: because Venus in Scorpio is inclined to tune in emotionally and psychically to their partner, and because Scorpio rules the reproductive organs, they are able to hone in on their partner’s pleasure in masterful ways. Expect sexuality and physical intimacy to take precedence in relationships with Venus in Scorpio.  This serves as a vehicle for them to express their loyalty and devotion in tangible ways. 

If you have this placement, understand that your powers of emotional perception and regeneration are real and highly valuable, even if everyone can’t or won’t appreciate them. If you’re seeking the affections of someone with this placement, be open and willing to relinquish control in the name of love.

Venus in Libra

The most magnificently scented, handmade candle. The sparkle of a diamond reflected onto a wall, bathed in sunlight. An expertly-placed Kilim rug at the foot of a roaring fire. Venus in Libra celebrates the details of luxurious simplicity and refinement. Less (and sometimes more) is more and the highest quality is expected in all areas of life by those with this placement - including, and especially, relationships. In fact, relationships and the maintenance required to keep them in good standing is incredibly important for this placement. Venus in Libra prides itself on mending fences and building bridges, even when it feels patently difficult or almost impossible to do so. This placement understands the power in seeing others’ perspectives, and of maintaining a sense of peace and balance within the relationship’s dynamic. This is true for both romantic and platonic relationships. 

With this placement, appearances matter. How you dress, how you smell, how well-groomed you are, and what your social position is are all important here. This is because Venus in Libra intuitively understands that a polished persona can create more social capital and opportunity than someone who doesn’t pay attention to the details - and, the more social capital you have, the more opportunities you have to live a life of freedom (and luxury). Recall that Libra is a cardinal Air sign, and freedom and independence are absolutely critical to the Libran ideal of well-being. Being told when to do something and how to do it goes against Venus in Libra’s need to experience life on their own terms. Codependency of any form need not apply here.  

There is a desire here to avoid anything that might be considered inappropriate, tawdry, dirty, messy, unscrupulous, or unclean - especially things that might give the appearance of such characteristics. But it’s not that Venus in Libra is necessarily prudish, or closed-off - quite the opposite, when you consider the native’s ability to connect with others using their unmistakable charm, wit and good manners (and, let’s be honest, good looks). But there is something to be said about the selective nature of this placement. Yes, friendliness and kindness are important, but not at the expense of one’s personal values and standards. Those closest to folks with Venus in Libra probably know that a big reason why they have earned a coveted spot in their inner circle is because they too possess the charming and magnanimous qualities that Venus in Libra is so known for. 

Sexually, Venus in Libra most probably aligns with the classic love-at-first-sight narrative: while enjoying a fabulous night out, drinking champagne and eating a gourmet meal, you lock eyes with a beautiful stranger across the room. It feels like you’ve known this person forever, and they feel it too. Usually, you don’t do one-night stands, but this doesn’t seem like just a one-night thing - it seems like forever. Okay, so maybe this is just romanticizing, but that is the essence of this placement - romanticizing and beautifying moments of everyday life, even if for just a moment. Venus in Libra yearns to find that special someone - and, while they might have a flirtatious edge to them, partnership for Venus in Libra is the ultimate goal and they’ll stop at nothing to find and maintain that singular relationship with someone special.

Venus in Libra natives typically have little trouble attracting potential friends and mates, eager to put themselves out there and explore their surroundings as they see fit. If you have this placement, take the time to be discerning about who and how you let folks into your well-maintained and manicured world. If you are hoping to win the affections of someone with this placement, understand that this person holds themselves and their friendships to a high standard. Sincere, well-timed compliments and an attention to the small details will get you far. 

Venus in Virgo

If Venus in Leo is the extravagantly debaucherous party that rages on until the wee hours of the morning, then Venus in Virgo is the carefully-executed post-party plan, complete with schedules for the cleaning crew, an organic, plant-based breakfast to cure the hangover, and a nice hot shower to refresh and renew. 

Venus in Virgo natives have an intuitive sense for the minute details that often escape others, and consider their strength in relationships to be directly tied to their powers of observation and how well they are able to anticipate and solve others’ problems. 

Luckily for them, this is one of their superpowers. Those with Venus in Virgo are excellent at observing, planning, and executing, per their lofty standards. To them, love is action, not just passion, or flowery words, or overly grand displays of affection. In fact, these things might not do all that much for them, barring other placements in the birth chart. Love with this placement is an exploration of dedicated devotion, of simplicity put into action, and of attention to detail. Yes, romance matters with this placement, but so do promises, especially when it comes to broken promises. Venus in Virgo needs to know that they can depend on you, just as much as they make it clear that they can be depended on.  

It would be a mistake to ignore the critical nature of this placement. With such high expectations, there is room for disappointment when it comes to the fallible nature of people. Sometimes, Venus in Virgo refuses to believe that sometimes, people are people and they just make mistakes - not out of intentional carelessness, or laziness, but simply because human life is imperfect and sometimes, mistakes happen. 

Consider that Virgo is the sister sign to Pisces, an energy defined by its service, self-sacrifice, intuitive nudges, and co-alignment with the divine, and Virgo’s devotion to otherworldly levels of excellence makes sense. Similar to Pisces, Virgo believes in, and strives toward, perfection in all forms. Of course, for mere mortals this might be difficult to achieve. Venus in Virgo folks may be prone to anxiety or struggle with overthinking and perfectionist tendencies in the pursuit of the ideal partner or relationship. Natives with this placement can benefit from embracing a spirit of objectivity and self-compassion - while they might consider their actions, appearance, or affections as being “not enough”, their ability to go above and beyond the call of duty in their interpersonal relationships is unparalleled. 

There is a quiet sweetness and innocence present with Venus in Virgo. This placement is neither loud nor ostentatious, nor does it ask for more than it’s willing to give of itself. Affection and trust are earned over time here. Love means purity of intention. If you have this placement, embrace your selflessness and eagerness to please those you love. It truly is a special gift. If you hope to win the affections of someone with this placement, consider prioritizing emotional patience and an attention to the small but important details that come with getting to know someone.

Venus in Leo

*cue jungle cat roaring* 

Bodacious, vivacious, and extravagant are all words that come to mind when Venus meets passionate, fiery Leo. But given that Leo is a fixed sign, Venus in Leo natives are known not only for their commitment to the glamorous; these folks have real staying power when it comes to love, romance and intimacy. The caveat here is that this love must feel passionate and enticing more often than not - and herein lies the rub. Most relationships have their natural ebbs and flows, but Venus in Leo may feel threatened or uncomfortable with this idea, thinking that if the courtship-style dramatics and grand gestures reach a slowing point, then the relationship itself is at stake. 

The Venus in Leo paramore may take their sweet time finding the Simba to their Nala, but once they do - you’d be hard-pressed to find a more devoted yet spontaneous and playful partner. Loyalty also plays a big role here - Venus in Leo natives intuitively understand the power of an emotional bond (especially one stoked by the flames of sexual attraction), and will stop at little to maintain the status quo in their relationships, even if it means exerting a little power or putting their foot down if it means getting their way. See, Venus in Leo natives know the power of their love, and know that being with them is powerful, so they’ll stop at nothing to ensure their partner knows (and shows) it too. 

Speaking of sexual attraction, sex plays a huge role in relationships with this placement. Venus in Leo has an intense desire to be wanted and adored - yes, this means emotionally, but also (and especially) physically and sexually. It’s important for natives with this placement to feel that their partner(s) view them as sexually powerful. They don’t take particularly well to more passive, indirect or muted expressions of passion. With this placement, there is an all-or-nothing attitude toward physicality: want all of me, or don’t want me at all. Better yet, need me and feel like you can’t live without me. 

Even though it may seem like Venus in Leo expects a lot in relationships, they return their demands equally, giving all of themselves and then some. There is an eagerness to please and care for others with this placement, given that the object of their affection has proven themselves worthy of such effusive treatment. If you have this placement, don’t be shy about embracing and unleashing your dramatic and passionate nature to those worthy of such demonstrations. If someone you love has this placement, shower your person with attention and affection - they will appreciate it (and so will you!)

Venus in Cancer

Sweet Venus in Cancer - even if you are not a mother, or have little interest in children for that matter, there is a tenderness and fierce loyalty central to your character, similar to that of a maternal figure caring for its offspring. Generally, there is an immense desire with Venus in Cancer to protect that which belongs to it - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Possessiveness and authentic connection are huge themes with this placement, as the Moon, Cancer’s ruler, connects with Venus here. 

Cancer’s naturally nurturing tendencies blend well with Venus’s sensuality, lending the native an endearing mix of warm hospitality and creative reasoning. But Venus in Cancer isn’t all sweetness and feel-good warm fuzzies - like the crab for which the sign of Cancer represents, beware of the native with Venus in Cancer that encounters feelings of emotional disconnection or, worse, betrayal. Venus in Cancer has an incredible depth and psychic sensitivity to it, which can be both a source of strength and a source of exhausting inner turmoil depending on other factors in the birth chart. What you see is not always what you get with this Venus sign - passive-aggression and emotional manipulation are examples of this Venus sign’s energy being misused or underdeveloped. Cancer ultimately seeks to protect itself and those it deems worthy enough to welcome into its impenetrable crabby shell; when the equilibrium of comfort is thrown off balance, expect emotional drama to be at its height. 

On the brighter side, Venus in Cancer possesses an incredible gift of self-regeneration not found in most other Venus signs. This native lives in a world of fantastical feelings - when it finds its match (quite possibly with someone with Venus in watery Scorpio or Pisces), its powers of attraction and flirtation are unmatched. There’s a sense of comfortable, familiar seduction with this sign - I often relate the classic “girl next door” archetype to Venus in Cancer because natives with this placement have a knack for appealing to others’ most primal and instinctual emotional sensors. On the most basic level, Venus in Cancer lives to make the people it loves comfortable, comforted, cared for, and cherished. Of course, this can also attract people with less pure intentions; even though the emotional epicenter of Venus in Cancer is rather well-attuned, natives here can have a hard time distinguishing between their wants and needs when it comes to sharing their love and affection. 

Cancer Venusians tend to consider the little things as being the big things in relationships. Little things might mean small but meaningful displays of affection like a tender kiss before leaving for work, a subtle hand touch or longing glance during a party, cute, hand-scribbled love notes quietly slipped between the pages of a book, a picture from a first date, or remembering a favorite drink from a romantic getaway years ago. Romance and sentimentality go hand and hand here.

Sexually, Venus in Cancer natives possess a profound well of lustful energy but feel most comfortable expressing it with people they feel they have a richer, more nuanced connection with. Of course, this doesn’t completely outrule Venus in Cancer’s sense of promiscuity or attraction to multiple people at once, but it does mean that even with the prospect of multiple partners, there’s a tendency to focus on just one person at a time if that person is providing them with the emotional depth and stability they ultimately crave. Flings, one-offs and short-lived romances may appeal for a brief period, but more often than not the native will feel unfulfilled by such encounters. With this placement, there is so much to give, so much to pour into and out of, and so much to be gained by doing so.

Venus in Gemini

When sensual Venus meets intellectual and dynamic, mutable air sign Gemini, love and friendship become a traveler’s journey by which to dabble among the details, big and small. If there was ever an astrological placement that believed “variety is the spice of life” when it comes to building and maintaining relationships, it would be this one. To be clear, this doesn’t necessarily spell out multiple lovers or mercurial relationships, although Venus in Gemini certainly won’t have issues finding a pal or a mate - or multiple mates - if that is what they so choose. 

Gemini Venus natives possess unparalleled powers of observation. What deeply inspires the Venus in Gemini native is a commitment to varied perspectives and a willingness to remain open-minded, even when their own opinions may contradict with what or who is in front of them. In fact, Venus in Gemini natives have an uncanny ability to find positive qualities in almost anyone they encounter (and even those they don’t). Now, does that mean their standards aren’t specific or that they are easily emotionally swayed? Not exactly, and herein lies the contradiction of these mercurial Venusians: just as soon as you think you’ve figured them out, they surprise you again, sometimes delightfully so, and sometimes with such a maddeningly fast speed it makes your head spin. Admittedly, this keeps things interesting for them. 

Let’s revisit the “variety is the spice of life” concept. For Gemini Venus, keeping things interesting in relationships is of the utmost importance, and trying new things to discuss later (or in the moment) is a huge turn-on and motivating force. Whether sexually or otherwise, the promise of discovery makes for a good time. 

When it comes to platonic friendships and romantic relationships alike, the concept of true friendship reigns supreme. For Gemini Venus, oftentimes the romantic IS the platonic, and vice versa. It’s not uncommon for Gemini Venus natives to have several non-sexual, strictly platonic friendships that didn’t start off that way, or for friends-with-benefits to suddenly become just friends after realizing it’s better for everyone that way. Or, for the lines to be blurred in both directions. Egoistic pride and emotional ownership are lesser factors here, depending on other placements in the birth chart.

Similar to Venus in Aquarius, Gemini Venus finds that a baseline of friendship is the most important foundation by which all relationships should stem from. This is not to say that Venus in Gemini can’t be romantic in the traditional sense, but real friendship and all the joys that come with it are just as important to and for the Venus in Gemini lover as romantic getaways, candlelit dinners, and expressions of physical and verbal affection. Speaking of verbal affection, the Venus in Gemini lover is probably the most attuned to communicating their thoughts about the relationship than any other Venus sign.

Venus in Gemini natives want to know what their friends and lovers are thinking, want to share their own opinions in real time, and feel utterly incomplete or neglected when their partner refuses or is unable to express how they’re feeling. Assuming there are no harsh aspects to the Venus sign, Venus in Gemini natives have a special inclination for expressing their love verbally and expect the same level of competence in return. Timidity, shyness, and stoicness need not apply. 

Ultimately, what captures the spirit of the Venus in Gemini native is a creative curiosity unencumbered by stuffiness. Adhering to the status quo in relationships won’t get you very far here. There is a real rebel spirit found within those with this placement, and a distinct displeasure with being tied down emotionally. If you are involved with someone who has their Venus in Gemini, let these natives be free in their expression of how they love you, avoid emotional judgement, and communicate openly and without reserve. In return, they will lend you their wings to fly alongside them.