therapy for us, by us
I’m a Black woman, and my therapist is too.
It took me a long time to find her. The insurance offered to me by my job at the time didn’t cover mental health services, so I spent upwards of several weeks meticulously scrolling psychologytoday.com, searching for “Black expert mental health professional” on Google, and asking trusted people IRL for the right person to connect with - someone who met my criteria of compassionate, yet deeply perceptive, willing and able to support me at my most insecure yet staunchly dedicated to redirecting me toward more empowered pastures, a person who identified as either a woman or non-binary, and someone Black/from the African Diaspora.
Mental health for Black people might be a buzzworthy topic in our current cultural zeitgeist, but it remains an unfulfilled reality for many - according to a 2017 study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association, only 1 in 3 Black people who need mental health care receive it, and often receive poorer quality of care and lack access to culturally competent care than their non-Black counterparts.
Culturally competent care is what results from developing authentic connection with a mental health professional; these connections already have what I like to think of as “the gaps filled in”.
Before meeting my therapist, I desperately wanted to work with someone who I didn’t have to explain what 3C hair meant, someone who wouldn’t tepidly question why I was so offended by a backhanded compliment in the workplace about said 3C hair, and someone who would immediately understand that Blackness is not a monolith - that being part Badulla Oblongata, part WAP Princess, and part Hidden Figure just makes sense when you think about it.
So, after weeks of searching, I found her - she wasn’t in-network for my insurance, but I called her anyway. I told her I needed to talk to someone about the feelings of isolation, depression and loneliness I was experiencing as a program manager at my job in tech. She was kind, deeply receptive, and patient. I told her I felt like I was drowning, and that my life’s purpose felt like it was sitting in a pit of sticky goo somewhere at the bottom of the ocean.
We discussed her rates, and she asked me if the price that was listed on her website would be feasible for me. I hesitated. Even though I was making good money at the time, the majority of it went to things like rent and student loan payments.
Still, I felt my inner voice’s nudge - be here for yourself, be here for yourself.
I told her I’d love to work with her, but asked if we could reduce the rate by 15%. To my delight, she agreed.
As Black folks, sometimes it’s difficult to reconcile our goals with our current reality - I knew I needed help getting out of such a toxic, self-defeating mindset around my professional life, but I also knew that my financial resources were limited and I didn’t have much wiggle room in that regard (funny how that works, isn’t it?)
But, I firmly believe that directing loving energy toward spaces that require attention in our lives leads to positive results. My therapist and I have been working together now for over a year, and it is because of the work we’ve done together that I am able to make more sense of the ways in which my own mind can try to distort the truth of my divine existence.
The cultural competency component here is real, too. We talk about systems of oppression, and how being a Black woman in a predominantly white space like corporate tech works to erode my sense of self in insidious, subtle ways. We talk about how bearing the weight and gift of Blackness comes with soaring highs and treacherous lows, and we examine feelings of shame that seem to have rooted themselves in so many pockets of my life over the years.
Although I sought her out for issues surrounding my working life, we talk about everything. We explore love, and body image, spirituality and metaphysics, astrology - things that make me feel whole and complete, things that bring me back to myself.
I think that’s the point of therapy for us, by us - to bring us back to real notions of ourselves, to bring us into contact with the deepest roots of our beings, so that they may gently wrap around us and lift us out of the earth, into the sky.
Here are some resources you may find useful when searching for your own trusted mental health professional:
My prayer for you, for all of us, is that we may find spaces in which we are supported, nurtured, and honored. Therapy has been that for me. If you seek it, know that it can be for you, too.
Asé.
