gratitude exists on the other side of envy
Frankly, I think of jealousy and envy as two different-but-very-similar heads of the same monster. Neither feel good, but both are here to teach us the same thing: how to express more gratitude for who we are and where we are along our own very personal journeys.
There are shiny nuggets of truth within you that draw you into cycles of envy toward others. What you find appealing and inspiring about others is rooted in the same magic that exists inside of you. In reality, there is little separation between the divine truth of you, and the divine truth of them. So why is it, then, that harboring feelings of envy towards someone else feels like a strict admonishment of yourself? And what’s the point of even engaging thoughts and feelings of envy toward another person when we know, deep down, we are capable beings deserving of the love and admiration we so readily offer to others?
To be clear, envy focuses on a set of emotions that differ from jealousy. Envy invokes feelings of perceived worthlessness because of someone else’s status, achievements, looks, or other characteristic. Envy is more of a person-to-person emotional experience: for example, feeling envious of a sibling because they get more social attention than you, or towards a colleague because of a professional accolade they received.
Jealousy, on the other hand, typically involves a third person, e.g., feeling jealous of someone else’s perceived interest in your partner or spouse, even if your spouse hasn’t done anything to elicit the third person’s attention.
Frankly, I think of jealousy and envy as two different-but-very-similar heads of the same monster. Neither feel good, but both are here to teach us the same thing: how to express more gratitude for who we are and where we are along our own very personal journeys.
I am intimately familiar with envy, and I believe most of us are, too, if we are open to admitting it: Envy towards strangers on social media for their stunning beauty and witticisms; envy towards those who benefit from inherent privileges supported by the oppressive, capitalistic systems we live in; envy towards the people we love because they are amazing, and we want to be amazing too. In fact, there are talented, successful, beautiful, accomplished people in my life who I respect and cherish, that I’ve worked to build relationships with because I admire them and want to see them succeed. I’ve also felt envy towards them, believing that they fundamentally possessed something I didn’t and that’s why they achieved what I felt I couldn’t.
Processing these feelings is challenging, to be sure. Acknowledging that they even exist is hard enough, but then having to move through them with grace can be even more gut-wrenching.
Which is why I’m sharing this mental shift with you today - this idea that envy can be replaced with gratitude for who we are and what we bring to the table, even when it feels like we don’t bring much of anything. Even while acknowledging and celebrating the success and achievements of someone else, and even when our own mind is telling us that we should just quit while we’re ahead.
In the midst of envy, there is space for full self-acceptance. There is space to turn feelings of worthlessness into opportunities for self-connection.
When I’m feeling the talons of envy catch hold of me, I like to try these thoughts on for size:
“I am where I’m supposed to be.”
“I am radiant, just as I am.”
“My gifts are magnificent.”
“My path is unique, even when I can see similarities in others’ paths.”
“I know who I am.”
These feel good to slip into.
If loving acceptance seems too high of a mountain to climb from the depths of envious feelings, there is neutrality available to us as well. Thoughts like these may be helpful:
“I am working with my own process, and that is ok.”
“I am trying my best.”
“I am learning more about myself.”
Envy can feel like a heavy lump or a sourness in the body. But what can come of it is surprising - a lilting, light feeling of acceptance when we can take a moment to pause and appreciate ourselves for who we are, right now, in this moment, just as we are.
Healing Crystals for Soothing Envious & Jealous Feelings
Rose Quartz: This is the stone of unconditional love. Typically we associate rose quartz with cultivating love and romance in our interpersonal relationships, but this same energy is also available to us on a personal level. Rose quartz allows us to see what is beautiful about ourselves without feeling the need to compare.
Malachite: Malachite taps into our heart chakra (anahata) by protecting us against that which does not serve us energetically. It is a deeply protective stone which can be used to soothe our own feelings of inadequacy, or as a means of protection from lower external energies.
Green Calcite: Another powerful green stone, green calcite aligns with our heart chakra and removes lower energies that no longer serve us. This equals comfort in the form of reminding us of our how and why.
Tiger’s Eye: Tiger’s Eye connects us to our solar plexus (manipura), the chakra responsible for our self-expression, self-confidence, and ability to regulate our impulses. When faced with feelings of inadequacy that stem from fear or anxiety of the unknown, Tiger’s Eye can support us in releasing this anxiety and accepting what is present in our lives so that we may move forward with conviction.
Sources:
7 Chakras: Mystical Dimensions of the Body’s Seven Chakras